Opinions

Fri
26
Oct
Edgar's picture

COOKING CHILI IN TERLINGUA, A TEXAS TRADITION

by Bartee Haile

It took three days to clean the pots, haul away the mountain of beer cans and sober up the last of the revelers, but by Oct. 24, 1967 everything was back to normal in the Big Bend ghost town. The Terlingua Chili Cook-Off had been a rousing success, but no one thought at the time that they had started an annual shindig that would become a Texas tradition.

It all began that summer with the publication of an article entitled “Nobody Knows More About Chili Than I Do” in the August issue of Holiday magazine. The author was New York humorist H. Allen Smith, who showed he had a gift for getting under Texans’ skin.

 

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Fri
26
Oct
Edgar's picture

The Half Polled Rooty Toot

Yer not gonna keep’er, still, are ya Dad? She must be twelve years old.

I RECKON SHE’S CLOSER TO FOURTEEN NOW, AND NATURALLY HALF POLLED.

You mean she was sired by a hornless bull?

NO. SHE’S JUST GOT ONE HORN. WHICH MAKES HER HALF POLLED OR BETTER YET IT MAKES HER HALF UNICORN.

 

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Thu
18
Oct
Edgar's picture

TEXANS ELECT “SICK MAN OF SENATE” TO FOURTH TERM

By Bartee Haile

With Election Day just two weeks away, Sen. Charles Culberson spent Oct. 21, 1916 doing what he did best — nothing. Why bother campaigning when a fourth term was already in the bag? Looking for an appealing replacement for Gov. Jim Hogg in 1895, power broker E.M. House picked the handsome attorney general. Although his glaring lack of principles moved one politician to observe that 40 year old Charlie Culberson “would be all right if he had a little more iron down his backbone,” Colonel House considered the shortcoming an asset rather than a liability.

Following his mentor’s meticulous plan, the Democratic nominee survived a strong Populist challenge to win the gubernatorial election of 1894 with 55 percent of the popular vote. He took the oath of office in the tenth and final congressional term of his father, David Culberson.

 

Thu
18
Oct
Edgar's picture

Hung Up In The Fence

She was a pretty cow. A big polled Hereford but she was only half bagged up. So they sorted her off. These were pretty rangy cows and when they got separated from the big bunch they got nervous. Rex and Clair dropped her over into the “questionable” pen to run her though the chute. Rex wanted to check her bag.

The big cow had fire in her eyes when she saw Rex. She charged him! He raced to the fence. Clair stepped in front of the one-cow stampede and swung at her with a broken plastic whip. She changed directions, missed him by a hare’s breath and cleared the fence herself!

 

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Fri
12
Oct
Edgar's picture

Alternative Dining and New Age Spa

Come to Alternative Dining and New Age Spa We serve the only fern kabob in town If your spirit is depressed and your body needs a rest We guarantee to turn your life around.

Your double chin will soon be doing chin ups When you taste our own Bermuda grass surprise Your diet will consist of rose hips, knees and wrists And soup concocted from potato eyes Remember T-Bone steaks with all the trimmings And spare ribs smoking in the open air In ADNAS cooking class they’re visions in your past.

 

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Fri
12
Oct
Edgar's picture

GAMBLER GIVES TEXANS TOUR OF KANSAS COWTOWN

By Bartee Haile

Always willing to oblige fellow Texans, Phil Coe agreed on Oct. 10, 1871 to give four dozen cowboys a guided tour of Abilene when they arrived the next day in the Kansas cowtown.

As adept at making friends as filling an inside straight, Philip Haddox Coe was so popular that a company of Confederates elected him their lieutenant. However, as soon as the sixfoot- four civilian learned a uniform went with the rank, he skedaddled to Mexico.

Coe returned to Texas after the southern surrender and opened a saloon in Austin. When it came to fleecing the patrons, he preferred the personal touch, but the brisk business soon required the services of a second cardsharp. So he hired Ben Thompson and got Texas’ fastest gun in the bargain.

 

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Fri
12
Oct
Edgar's picture

A Minority Needs Help

What do cable TV and “Where your food comes from” have in common?

ANSWER: Television ag programming is beneficial, educational to the curious public people who eat food, and the Food Producers that provide the food they eat.

Interesting surveys: population of U.S. 327 million people that eat, 3.2 million is the number of food producers that feed them.

 

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Fri
12
Oct
Edgar's picture

RAILROAD BUILDER HEEDED ADVICE OF UNSEEN SPIRITS

By Bartee Haile

On Oct. 9, 1928, thirteen days after burying her husband of half a century, Arthur Stilwell’s widow plunged to her death from the couple’s high-rise New York City apartment.

The easiest explanation was that Jennie Stilwell could not go on living without the man who had been the center of her existence for so long. But another less romantic reason for her suicide was that the railroad builder and founder of as many as 40 towns, most notably Port Arthur, Texas, had left her practically penniless. Biographies of Arthur Edward Stilwell say he “ran away” from his home in Rochester, New York at 14 after his father’s jewelry business failed. But since runaways as a rule are fleeing neglect or abuse, that is not an accurate description of an adolescent unusually mature for his age. And, besides, the youth was not alone.

 

Fri
28
Sep
Edgar's picture

INDIAN FIGHTER AWARDED TWO MEDALS OF HONOR

by Bartee Haile

On Sep. 29, 1872, Sgt. William Wilson won his second Medal of Honor in six months of combat against the Comanches. One of less than two dozen fighting men to receive a pair of American’s highest military decoration, the obscure cavalryman earned both on the battlefields of Texas. In its 157-year history, the coveted citation had been bestowed upon better than 5,000 servicemen, but only 19 had been so honored on two different occasions. Seven marines, seven sailors and five soldiers comprise that elite club.

The name of the first double recipient was Custer — not George Armstrong Custer, the vainglorious general with the golden locks, but his younger brother Tom, who earned his pair three days apart in the last month of the Civil War.

 

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Fri
28
Sep
Edgar's picture

I Should’a Brought a Raincoat

As Noah said when he went out on the deck to check the windshield wipers, “I should’a brought a raincoat.”

Paul’s day started out with a drumroll. Every morning for months as he went into the machine shed he noticed the rusty gate hinge on the door jam. It was shoulder high and stuck out like a rhino horn. ‘Could be dangerous,’ he often thought.

That morning he was in a hurry and listed just enough to starboard to catch his shirt sleeve on the hinge. It jerked him hard to the right! As he swung around he stepped on the weed hoe. It stood smartly to attention and saluted him across the eyebrow!

 

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