Opinions

Fri
22
Dec

What’s Christmas to a Cow?

by Baxter Black

I know you've prob'ly asked yourself, what's Christmas to a cow?

You've not! Well maybe, just perchance I've got you thinkin' now,

When we march out on Christmas morn like nothin's goin' on,

has Yuletide struck the night before and disappeared by dawn?

Were plastic sleeves a'hangin' up around the calvin' shed?

Did visions of molasses blocks cavort inside her head?

And did she lay awake all night tensed up anticipating

Or, in excitement, milk her bed by accident, while waiting?

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Fri
22
Dec

HOW DID “THREE STOOGES” CREATOR DIE?

This Week In Texas History
by Bartee Haile

Ted Healy, the comic genius behind “The Three Stooges,” kissed his wife and three-day old baby good-night on Dec. 20, 1937 and headed for his favorite Hollywood haunts to celebrate the birth of his first child. The name on the future comedian’s birth certificate was “Ernest Lea Nash” or “Clarence Lee Nash.” No one seems to know for sure. But there is no doubt that it was issued in 1896 in the town of Kaufman east of Dallas. By the time little Ernest (or Clarence) was ready for school, the Nash family was living in Houston. He was 12, when they moved to New York City in 1908. Dazzled by the bright lights of Broadway, the teenager decided his future was in the exciting world of show business rather than on the nine-to-five treadmill of his coat-and-tie father.

Fri
08
Dec

Hunting Camp Cook

by Baxter Black

Fall is hunting season. Airports from Bozeman to San Antonio are filled with men in camouflage suits carrying gun cases out of baggage claim. They are here to stalk the fleeting deer and the wiley elk. And, they bring with them millions in revenue, part of which winds up in the pockets of outfitters and guides.

Good hunting camps do much to attract hunters, often year after year. Some camps are elaborate, others Spartan but all boast a good cook.

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Fri
08
Dec

COLONIZER TAKES SLUM REFUGEES TO HELL ON EARTH

by Bartee Haile

Five dozen Europeans from the slums of New York City set foot in Texas on Dec. 12, 1833 on their way to a promised paradise on the Rio Grande.

John Charles Beales was an English expatriate, who moved to Mexico in 1804. A physician by profession, he was a late entrant in the race for Texas real estate.

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Fri
01
Dec

The Right Tool For The Job

by Baxter Black

Clark owned a small dairy farm in Delaware. Thinking to add to his larder, he bought a black steer at Dill’s auction down the road to fatten a beef for the family. He put the steer in a grazing pasture with the dairy heifers. In a short time he noticed that the steer was trying to breed the heifers! Not a good thing on a dairy farm. He decided to take him back to the sale the next week, in the meantime he needed to separate him from the heifers.

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Fri
01
Dec

COP KILLER FACES EXECUTION WITH A SMILE

by Bartee Haile

A minute before midnight on Nov. 29, 1930, the condemned cop killer finished a letter to his widow-to-be, glanced at the nervous chaplain and asked with a wry smile, “What return address shall I put on this?”

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Wed
22
Nov

ACTOR’S HIT-MAN FATHER MURDERED FEDERAL JUDGE

By Bartee Haile

Minutes after the fatal shooting of President Kennedy on Nov. 22, 1963, Dallas police found a trio of unusually well-dressed tramps in a boxcar behind the “grassy knoll” and marched them single-file through Dealey Plaza.

Photographers snapped several pictures of the passing parade. In the ensuing years, the youngest and tallest of the three was identified by assorted laymen and at least one forensic expert as Charles Voyde Harrelson, a notorious killer-for-hire and father of popular actor Woody Harrelson.

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Wed
22
Nov

Thanksgiving

By Baxter Black

It’s Thanksgiving here in the U.S.A. Canada had theirs in October. Good neighbors, we are. It is something both countries can be thankful for. Either one of us could have moved in, only to find North Korea or Syria lived next door.

Our countries are blessed. North America’s a pretty good neighborhood. We have big backyards full of timber, pasture, minerals and oil. We have flowerbeds with fertile soil growing corn and rice and peaches.

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Fri
17
Nov

BOWIE GOES LOOKING FOR SILVER AND FINDS INDIANS

By Bartee Haile

Jim Bowie went looking for underground riches in 1831 but found instead a bunch of belligerent Indians on Nov. 20.

“The Lost Bowie Mine” was not always lost nor was it always named after the famous frontiersman. In 1753 Spaniards searching for a place to put a mission in present-day Llano County learned of a cedro de almagre or hill of red ocher. Several explorers were shown the mineral-rich mound by obliging Apaches.

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Fri
17
Nov

Cold Feet

By Baxter Black

Yer lookin’ at a feller with no tennis shoes, a ’76 GMC pickup, an outhouse and a learning permit for a cell phone. But! Lest you lump me into that group of stodgy ol’ dinosaurs that cling to the days of Garth Brooks, pygmy Angus, and real spare tires...Let me assure you that I have stepped boldly into the modern world of manly footwear.

A constant recurring memory of workin’ cows when I first started years ago was cold feet. Everybody wore their regular regulation cowboy boots with five-buckle overshoes. And everybody’s feet got cold.

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