Opinions

Fri
03
Nov

LT. GOVERNOR NOT MUCH OF A SHORTCUT

By Bartee Haile

T. Whitfield Davidson was elected lieutenant governor on Nov. 7, 1922, but the second highest office in the Lone Star State turned out not to be a short-cut to the top rung on the political ladder.

The twenty-eighth lieutenant governor of Texas has a lot of company in the history books. Of the 44 men who have held the Number Two job in the state government, only a baker’s dozen spent even a day as governor.

In the beginning, the junior governorship looked like a surefire steppingstone. Although all did not follow the same path, five of the first seven lieutenants reached the summit. James Pinckney Henderson had been in charge of the newly annexed Republic just three months, when he took a leave of absence to lead Texas troops in the war with Mexico. His second-in-command, Albert C. Horton, kept the home fires burning for six months until the warrior governor returned, and never again sought public office.

 

Fri
03
Nov

The Supersalesman

Slicker’n deer guts on a doorstep! Smooth as a filly’s nose! Here in this jug’s a miracle drug So new that nobody knows!

Feed it, inject it or plant it, Stick it under an ear. Pick any breed, results guaranteed.

 

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Fri
27
Oct

TWO TEXAS QUARTERBACKS SHARE NLF RECORD

By Bartee Haile

On Oct. 28, 1962, New York Giants quarterback Y.A. Tittle equaled the National Football League (NFL) record for touchdown passes in a single game by throwing seven against the Washington Redskins.

But “The Bald Eagle,” as Tittle was fondly known, was not the first Texan to join one of pro football’s most exclusive fraternities. Ten years earlier, Adrian Burk had also pulled off the same amazing feat.

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Fri
27
Oct

Festus and the Coon

Doc had escaped his busy Omaha practice and met his friend Stevo west of Eustace for a little sport. “Ever hunted coon on one of these?” Doc asked as he jumped two mules outta the back of his pickup stockracks.

Billy and Festus were sensible mules who could handle most anything. The two hunters saddled up, sheathed their rifles and released the hound dogs.

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Fri
20
Oct

WHY ALL THE FUSS OVER A MUD FORT?

By Bartee Haile

A small company of Texas rebels rode out of Goliad on Oct. 24, 1835 with orders to attack the government garrison at Fort Lipantitlan.

As conceived by Capt. Philip Dimitt during the early days of the independence uprising, the Lipantitlan Expedition had two important objectives: the rescue of a couple of rebel prisoners and the destruction of the strategic fortification on the Nueces River. And by “destruction” Dimitt made it crystal clear to Ira Westover that he meant the death or capture of each and every defender.

 

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Fri
20
Oct

Wanted: Cowboy

By Baxter Black

WANTED: Cowboy. No TV, No phone. If you don’t like dogs and can’t tough it in the mountains, don’t apply - Alamo, Nevada.

I’d like to meet the ol’ boy that wrote that ad. You can almost picture him in your mind. We’re all acquainted with somebody that fits his description. He might be willing to give you a month off to go see your ailin’ mother but better not ask for every Saturday and Sunday off to go ropin’!

 

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Fri
13
Oct

José and the Hoodoo Cow

by Baxter Black

We run this ol’ cow in the squeeze chute, she rattled and fought all the way

Then rammed a hind foot through the side bars and managed to cow-kick José.

He dropped the syringe he was holdin’. It stuck in the toe of his boot, ‘Least, now he’s protected from Lepto. He gave her the gringo salute!

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Fri
13
Oct

AUSTIN SPENDS MANY MONTHS IN MEXICAN DUNGEON

by Bartee Haile

Arriving in Mexico City on Oct. 15, 1834, attorneys Peter W. Grayson and Spencer H. Jack went right to work to finally end Stephen F. Austin’s nine-month nightmare.

Fri
06
Oct

Political Correctness

It’s coming! Political Correctness in the Animal Kingdom! I have conferred with those fervent homogenizers of the once colorful and descriptive English language to formulate the following list:

STRAY DOG. Both words are unacceptable. They imply that a four legged mongrel is subsisting as a vagrant. We have chosen the term Misdirected Wagamorph.

MUSTANG. Definitely out! Associated too much with a greedy automotive corporation. We are going to protect them into extinction. They shall henceforth be called Adoptable Equine Derivatives.

 

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Fri
06
Oct

YOUNG OUTLAW MAKES THE MOST OF SECOND CHANCE

By Bartee Haile

After the wild young outlaw’s battle royal with buffalo soldiers on Oct. 10, 1874, Joe Horner sure seemed headed for an early grave. No one could have possibly imagined that half a century later he would be the guest of honor at a state funeral in Oklahoma! Hoping to put the post-Civil War strife behind them, the Horners left Missouri in the fall of 1866. Their first North Texas stop was in Denton County, but they later turned their collective attention to ranching on the fringe of the frontier not far from Jacksboro. By the spring of 1874, Josiah “Joe” Horner was punching people instead of cattle. The 27 year old hell raiser beat a man to a bloody pulp in one of Jacksboro’s two dozen saloons, a savage and senseless crime that resulted in an indictment for felony assault.

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