Opinions

Fri
06
Oct

Political Correctness

It’s coming! Political Correctness in the Animal Kingdom! I have conferred with those fervent homogenizers of the once colorful and descriptive English language to formulate the following list:

STRAY DOG. Both words are unacceptable. They imply that a four legged mongrel is subsisting as a vagrant. We have chosen the term Misdirected Wagamorph.

MUSTANG. Definitely out! Associated too much with a greedy automotive corporation. We are going to protect them into extinction. They shall henceforth be called Adoptable Equine Derivatives.

 

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Fri
06
Oct

YOUNG OUTLAW MAKES THE MOST OF SECOND CHANCE

By Bartee Haile

After the wild young outlaw’s battle royal with buffalo soldiers on Oct. 10, 1874, Joe Horner sure seemed headed for an early grave. No one could have possibly imagined that half a century later he would be the guest of honor at a state funeral in Oklahoma! Hoping to put the post-Civil War strife behind them, the Horners left Missouri in the fall of 1866. Their first North Texas stop was in Denton County, but they later turned their collective attention to ranching on the fringe of the frontier not far from Jacksboro. By the spring of 1874, Josiah “Joe” Horner was punching people instead of cattle. The 27 year old hell raiser beat a man to a bloody pulp in one of Jacksboro’s two dozen saloons, a savage and senseless crime that resulted in an indictment for felony assault.

Thu
28
Sep

AMBITIOUS ADVENTURER WITH A HEAD FOR BUSINESS

By Bartee Haile

James Wiley Magoffin and four traveling companions were arrested as spies in New Mexico on Sep. 27, 1846 and detained for the duration of the Mexican War. Why the oldest of ten children left Kentucky in the early 1820’s is unclear. The most logical explanation is that he wanted to make his own way in the world without having to answer to a rich and overbearing father.

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Thu
28
Sep

Stress

By Baxter Black

Let’s say a busload of Brazillian soccer players came by your place one fine fall afternoon unexpected and took you on a three-day road trip. You didn’t have time to pack your toothpaste or your own saddle! They made you play two games a day and pinochle every night! By the time they dropped you off down by the mailbox you wouldn’t have enough energy to crawl to the house!

You would be suffering from that deadly menace, the Darth Vader of Disease: STRESS!

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Fri
22
Sep

AMARILLO ACTRESS AT HER BEST IN TV COMEDY

by Bartee Haile

“The Addams Family,” an offbeat television comedy about the ghouls next door, premiered on Sep. 20, 1964 with a motion-picture actress from the Texas Panhandle in the role of Morticia

Carolyn Sue Jones was born into an unhappy Amarillo home in April 1930. Four years later, the head of the house walked out forcing his abandoned wife and two little girls to move in with her parents

 

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Fri
22
Sep

Dog Days In The Feedlot

Well, it’s dog days in the feedlot now that summer’s nearly done I been loafin’ through the cattle but the steers don’t suffer none

They don’t need much waterin’, really, they just eat and drink and snooze Like a bunch of fat ol’ bankers On an all expense paid cruise

 

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Fri
15
Sep

Coyote Cowboy Observations

by Baxter Black

-There’s always time to pet your dog.

-If a feller doesn’t trim his own horse’s feet, he’s got too many horses or not enough time.

-Some people do what they’ve gotta do to live where they wanna live. Others live where they have to live to be what they want to be.

-If the reader can’t understand what the poet is tryin’ to say, it’s not the reader’s fault.

-Sometimes gentle pressure is better than jerkin’ as hard as you can. Kinda like pickin’ up a bull’s nose.

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Fri
15
Sep

MARY KAY TURNED GLASS CEILING INTO PINK CADILLACS

by Bartee Haile

Starting with her life savings of five thousand dollars, her grown son and nine employees called “consultants,” Mary Kay Ash opened her first cosmetics store in Dallas on Sep. 13, 1963.

Don’t bother looking for the birthplace of the famous cosmetics queen on any map or even in the Texas Almanac. The small community of Hot Wells disappeared decades ago but not before leaving behind a heck of a story. While drilling for oil in northwest Harris County in 1904, wildcatters lost their bit down the deep hole.

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Fri
08
Sep

The Yellow Ribbon

By Baxter Black

The women stood in line. Her eyes stared vacantly. Her face was gaunt. A thin film of dust covered her clothing. The weight of the world lay on her shoulders. She was muttering under her breath. A fly touched her cheek. She brushed it off, unthinking.

“So, how’s it going?” I asked, interrupting her quietude.“Clint just showed his pig, Tanya can’t find the sheep clippers and Justin’s rabbit was disqualified ‘cause it had a black toenail.”

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Fri
08
Sep

BABY BROTHER ADDED TO GUNFIGHTER’S TROUBLES

by Bartee Haile

When a drinking buddy tried to throw him out in the street in his birthday suit on the night of Sep. 6, 1868, hot-tempered Billy Thompson plugged the prankster and headed for the hills.

A famous gunfighter with a reputation matched only by John Wesley Hardin and Bill Longley, Ben Thompson was a walking bull’seye for every barroom braggart out to make a name for himself. Staying alive was tough enough without having to look out for his baby brother.

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