Opinions

Fri
09
Nov
Edgar's picture

PEASANTS HUNTING PHEASANTS

Each fall, the governor of the great state of South Dakota host his Invitational Pheasant Hunt. This is meant to be a way to show off South Dakota’s state bird, their pride and joy, the wily pheasant. It’s also a means of attracting some special guests from out-of-state to look into the possibilities of investing money and business into the state. Well, it worked. High-rollers from as far away as New York to celebrate and join the hunt.

Now, lots of these fellers were good hunters, but a lot (like yours truly) couldn’t hit a slow-moving freight train with a bucket of Pratt & Lambert.

They split us into teams. Mine was called Custer’s Last Chance and Bugle Corps.

 

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Fri
09
Nov
Edgar's picture

AMERICAN VOLUNTEERS FIGHT TO LIBERATE TEXAS

By Bartee Haile

The Republican Army of the North, a motley crew of American adventurers and Mexican rebels, reached La Bahia on Nov. 1, 1812 and made themselves right at home in the empty fortress.

When Jose Bernardo Gutierrez de Lara hurried off to Washington, D.C. in March 1811, the Mexican revolt against the Spaniards was treading water. As he begged the U.S. government for desperately needed aid, his compatriots went down for the final time.

But Don Bernardo refused to call it quits and resolved to foment another rebellion. Learning from the fatal mistakes of his dead predecessors, he chose a more favorable site, the poorly guarded province of Texas, and more experienced fighters, the outcasts and outlaws of the Neutral Ground.

 

 

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Fri
02
Nov
Edgar's picture

Ear Tag Identification

Good ranch managers often use numbered ear tags to monitor their herd more closely. Clem thought Reg ought to give up and start all over again.

They had moved the pairs that were mothered up to the east pasture down the road. Accidentally, calf number R31 had gone with that bunch. His mama had been left behind. In his I.D. number the R stood for red. His mama’s number was also R31 but her tag was yellow. In the record book she was listed as YR31. Her calf was listed as BYR31. There was also a cow in the herd with a red tag numbered 31 (R31 in the book).

Mama YR31 was bawlin’ and missin’ her calf. Reg asked Clem to haul her to the pasture and find her calf. On the way he asked him to pick up a dry cow they’d left in a trap.

 

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Fri
02
Nov
Edgar's picture

AMERICAN VOLUNTEERS FIGHT TO LIBERATE TEXAS

By Bartee Haile

The Republican Army of the North, a motley crew of American adventurers and Mexican rebels, reached La Bahia on Nov. 1, 1812 and made themselves right at home in the empty fortress.

When Jose Bernardo Gutierrez de Lara hurried off to Washington, D.C. in March 1811, the Mexican revolt against the Spaniards was treading water. As he begged the U.S. government for desperately needed aid, his compatriots went down for the final time.

But Don Bernardo refused to call it quits and resolved to foment another rebellion. Learning from the fatal mistakes of his dead predecessors, he chose a more favorable site, the poorly guarded province of Texas, and more experienced fighters, the outcasts and outlaws of the Neutral Ground.

 

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Fri
26
Oct
Edgar's picture

COOKING CHILI IN TERLINGUA, A TEXAS TRADITION

by Bartee Haile

It took three days to clean the pots, haul away the mountain of beer cans and sober up the last of the revelers, but by Oct. 24, 1967 everything was back to normal in the Big Bend ghost town. The Terlingua Chili Cook-Off had been a rousing success, but no one thought at the time that they had started an annual shindig that would become a Texas tradition.

It all began that summer with the publication of an article entitled “Nobody Knows More About Chili Than I Do” in the August issue of Holiday magazine. The author was New York humorist H. Allen Smith, who showed he had a gift for getting under Texans’ skin.

 

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Fri
26
Oct
Edgar's picture

The Half Polled Rooty Toot

Yer not gonna keep’er, still, are ya Dad? She must be twelve years old.

I RECKON SHE’S CLOSER TO FOURTEEN NOW, AND NATURALLY HALF POLLED.

You mean she was sired by a hornless bull?

NO. SHE’S JUST GOT ONE HORN. WHICH MAKES HER HALF POLLED OR BETTER YET IT MAKES HER HALF UNICORN.

 

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Thu
18
Oct
Edgar's picture

TEXANS ELECT “SICK MAN OF SENATE” TO FOURTH TERM

By Bartee Haile

With Election Day just two weeks away, Sen. Charles Culberson spent Oct. 21, 1916 doing what he did best — nothing. Why bother campaigning when a fourth term was already in the bag? Looking for an appealing replacement for Gov. Jim Hogg in 1895, power broker E.M. House picked the handsome attorney general. Although his glaring lack of principles moved one politician to observe that 40 year old Charlie Culberson “would be all right if he had a little more iron down his backbone,” Colonel House considered the shortcoming an asset rather than a liability.

Following his mentor’s meticulous plan, the Democratic nominee survived a strong Populist challenge to win the gubernatorial election of 1894 with 55 percent of the popular vote. He took the oath of office in the tenth and final congressional term of his father, David Culberson.

 

Thu
18
Oct
Edgar's picture

Hung Up In The Fence

She was a pretty cow. A big polled Hereford but she was only half bagged up. So they sorted her off. These were pretty rangy cows and when they got separated from the big bunch they got nervous. Rex and Clair dropped her over into the “questionable” pen to run her though the chute. Rex wanted to check her bag.

The big cow had fire in her eyes when she saw Rex. She charged him! He raced to the fence. Clair stepped in front of the one-cow stampede and swung at her with a broken plastic whip. She changed directions, missed him by a hare’s breath and cleared the fence herself!

 

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Fri
12
Oct
Edgar's picture

Alternative Dining and New Age Spa

Come to Alternative Dining and New Age Spa We serve the only fern kabob in town If your spirit is depressed and your body needs a rest We guarantee to turn your life around.

Your double chin will soon be doing chin ups When you taste our own Bermuda grass surprise Your diet will consist of rose hips, knees and wrists And soup concocted from potato eyes Remember T-Bone steaks with all the trimmings And spare ribs smoking in the open air In ADNAS cooking class they’re visions in your past.

 

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Fri
12
Oct
Edgar's picture

GAMBLER GIVES TEXANS TOUR OF KANSAS COWTOWN

By Bartee Haile

Always willing to oblige fellow Texans, Phil Coe agreed on Oct. 10, 1871 to give four dozen cowboys a guided tour of Abilene when they arrived the next day in the Kansas cowtown.

As adept at making friends as filling an inside straight, Philip Haddox Coe was so popular that a company of Confederates elected him their lieutenant. However, as soon as the sixfoot- four civilian learned a uniform went with the rank, he skedaddled to Mexico.

Coe returned to Texas after the southern surrender and opened a saloon in Austin. When it came to fleecing the patrons, he preferred the personal touch, but the brisk business soon required the services of a second cardsharp. So he hired Ben Thompson and got Texas’ fastest gun in the bargain.

 

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